April 2012
4 posts
notafraidofruins:
OKAY THATS IT IM GONNA GO WORK ON MY ZINE I’m just gonna do it and not get triggered or bored or anything If you still want to submit poetry, essays, or artwork send them to me here or to defaultlane@aim.com its a zine about being a survivor of power-based violence btw OKAY BYE
Hi everyone. I’m really sorry for not being active lately. I just haven’t had the spoons for this. Thank you for your continued support. The blog will be up and running again as soon as I feel a bit better which will hopefully be soon. Love, Lane
I have tons and tons of submissions lined up and I’m really sorry I’m so behind in publishing them. Its been sort of rough for me the past couple days and I’ve been trying to concentrate on things that have nothing to do with being a survivor. I hope you understand. However I promise I’ll be up and running and posting more very soon. I might even publish some of these later...
March 2012
111 posts
Reading through countless abuse stories online but finding nothing you can really relate to. submitted by spiralthorns
Seeing so many younger survivors in unsafe, awful living situations like the one you finally got out of and feeling almost personally responsible for what they’re going through. submitted by spiralthorns
Anonymous asked: Is this blog just for sexual abuse and assault? Any blogs for physical abuse?
When someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you and your initial thought is what they want in return. It takes a great effort to accept that someone is just being nice. submitted by anonymous
When you get the same advice from a million different people and it’s always as vague and unhelpful as “you need to get over that” and “you need to get away from that abusive family.”
no shit, sherlock, I never thought of that before. submitted by superherotoranse
When you never feel like you’re good enough to deserve survival.
submitted by draggle
4 tags
Still loving the person who consistently mindfucked and emotionally manipulated you. Wanting to believe so badly that it was all just a misunderstanding and he’ll figure out what he did wrong and change. Wanting so badly to try again with him but not knowing if you’ll ever be able to trust him again, and not knowing if he’ll ever really follow through with change. submitted...
3 tags
It sucks when you can’t stop loving the person you dated for a year who raped/assaulted you. submitted by ificanwhynot
3 tags
when you want to have a family so badly but the one you were born with abused you so much to the point that there treatment of you caused you to be suicidal and it’s a big part of why you have ptsd, so the only way to try to have any semblance of a stable life is to not have them in yours. you spend holidays alone, you miss out on all of the joys of parents and siblings. you have no support...
3 tags
when you don’t have a family because they all directly abused you/were abuse apologists/invalidated your experiences by telling you that you weren’t abused. “nobody’s family is perfect” and this affects your life in so many different ways you are still figuring out how much it has hurt you. submitted by anonymous
noli-me:
i wonder if there’s a blog out there for those recovering from an eating disorder…
D:
anyone happen to know?
Signal boost
5 tags
When you always attempt to play off being triggered as being physically ill, so a lot of people you know probably think you have a chronic illness. Or fake sick a lot.
When loud music can sometimes be a trigger for you, and everyone you know likes to blast it all the time.
This was a slam poem I did years ago at a take back the night event. Trigger warning, it tells my story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljLK2rzsmew&feature=youtube_gdata_player submitted by positiveconnotation
when you’re so sick of manipulative, abusive people, that you cut out anyone who seems like they might fit the bill. even when they apologize and haven’t really done anything to you. submitted by anonymous
When you have trouble articulating your feelings to your partner because your abusive ex would yell at you if you ever spoke up.
You have to read spoilers for every movie, hoping the spoilers won’t trigger you, so you can make sure the movie won’t. submitted by singingitfortumblr
That awkward moment when you realize you have difficulty speaking because you were yelled at for speaking.
submitted by fatmf
You lie about something small like completing chores or a homework assignment, and your guardian assumes you also lied about your horrific, scarred past. submitted by miss-spit
“God never gives us more than we can handle!” Your god expects too much of children. submitted by miss-spit
When your boss discovers that you’ve got a startle response and tells a few other people that, and now there are several people you work with who seem to be having a competition to see who can make you jump the worst.
2 tags
When you’re afraid of your abusive alcoholic roommate but you can’t make him go or afford to leave, even tho the rest of the house is sympathetic. When he verbally attacks you, you fall to pieces, tell certain people your history, and become the house headcase. Again. submitted by anonymous
3 tags
when your abuser was so good at twisting around reality and blaming everything on you that you spend months wondering if he was actually abusing you or if it was the other way around. submitted by boyprincessdiaries
3 tags
[trigger warning: suicide] when you wonder how many times you’re allowed to answer “suicidal” when people ask “how are you?” before they stop taking you seriously and think you’re just trying to get attention. submitted by boyprincessdiaries
When you’re unable to work because your PTSD is so bad, but you’re so afraid of being lazy that you decide to commit to healing SUPER hard and wear yourself out because you don’t do anything but write about abuse, read about abuse, go to therapy or go to support groups. submitted by boyprincessdiaries
2 tags
When your brain shuts down from too much PTSD anxiety and you lose the ability to understand and retain any information from any of your senses for days on end. (that may just be me, idk). submitted by superherotoranse
3 tags
[trigger warning: suicidal thoughts] Having entire days where you’re almost incapable of any sort of internal monologue that is anything other than “I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.” submitted by boyprincessdiaries
Telling someone “no” and being surprised when they listen and stop. submitted by yesimstudyingyou
3 tags
When everyone looks at you when the word “rape” is used. submitted by anonymous
4 tags
When all you want to do is go back to covering up for your rapist and ignoring what they did so that your closest friendships aren’t ruined anymore. Realizing you can’t. And hating yourself for wanting “normal” when abusive relationships were your norm. submitted by serenechaos
Having a hard time distinguishing if you really did love them or if they just had you wrapped around their finger, if they really did love you or if they loved the power they felt submitted by anonymous
Anonymous asked: Will you tell us your story?
Oops, I just answered someone’s ask about the zine and I meant to publish it. She’s gonna think its weird the way I replied but I can’t explain ‘cause I lost her URL. Ahahaha. Anyway I’ll reiterate here: If you have a submission for the zine please send it to me here (or by e-mail at defaultlane@aim.com) by April 14th at the latest and preferably sooner. Thanks!
sort of halfheartedly hating him for what he did to you, but wanting to rip his fucking organs out for what he did to her submitted by anonymous
2 tags
When someone who enabled your abuser decides after years of not talking to you that they want to contact you relentlessly to tell you how much they “love you” and “care” and refuses to stop until you listen to their lies. submitted by anonymous
2 tags
when your friends still hang out with your rapist, and you secretly resent them for it, but you can’t say anything because you haven’t told them yet. submitted by anonymous
3 tags
The awkward moment when you love your abuser because they are family and even with the bad there was the love they showed you and growing up together. The love hate relationship. submitted by gotta-give-a-damn
1 tag
When you visit your family for Christmas and finally tell your mother what your step-dad has been doing to you for the past 7 years, only to be called a liar by her after she brings him back into the house and lets him stay the night while you’re there. submitted by anonymous
Having an insane flashback and passing out while you’re at work. Then having to explain to everyone that you’re probably just dehydrated. submitted by featherskinned
Turning “the story” into every day conversation and hoping that the mention of the “R” word and how it happened to you doesn’t change how your friends look at you.
submitted by serenechaos
1 tag
When you realize all of your favorite movies are about revenge.
Getting stuck in a panicked-dread emotional state where you feel like it’s all going to start happening again. submitted by superherotoranse
When you start to remember old traumas that you blocked out. submitted by positiveconnotation
When you can feel yourself detaching, stuffing away good feelings, and resenting your therapist because they’re leaving your area and you don’t want it to hurt when you have to find someone else. submitted by yourserenehighness
to finally tell a friend what happened only to be told that ‘he is such a nice guy though…’ submitted by anonymous